ItsyBitsy Spider
by Lachriel
Summary: A bit of complete fluff vaguely inspired by Bill Cosby's "New Husbands Kill Things" bit.


Authoress' Note: A bit of complete fluff, vaguely inspired by Bill Cosby's "New Husband's Kill Things" bit.

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter-verse or BtVS-verse. I just like to play there.

* * *

Severus Snape stood carefully stirring the bubbling, viscous liquid. He was happy, nearly humming in his contentment. Severus found himself counting the number of times he had stirred clockwise, before catching himself and remembering that it didn't matter as much in cooking. He had just taken the sauce off the heat when he heard a chorus of panicked shrieks from the next room.

Severus rushed through the door to find hair and cosmetic products spread haphazardly over several surfaces. In the middle of the chaos, three women perched on an oversized armchair that wasn't quite oversized enough to hold all three of them. The redhead and brunette had small orbs of magic between their palms. The blonde held a crossbow and was chanting "kill it kill it kill it" in a shrill, frightened voice.

Severus followed their gaze to find … a spider. Non-poisonous. Non-magical. Not even very large. A few scorch marks and a crossbow bolt stuck into the floor bore testament of their efforts to deal with it themselves. He sighed.

"Kill it!" Buffy demanded upon seeing him. It amazed him that a girl who dealt with vampires and demons on a regular basis could be frightened by a tiny, harmless arachnid.

"Dawn, Willow, if you would?" Dawn made a whining sound and Willow looked sheepish, but they both dismissed the magic orbs.

"Kill it kill it kill it!" Buffy demanded again.

"I will not," Severus stated calmly but firmly. He held his hand down near the little creature and nudged it onto his palm. He then carried it over to the window, opened it, shooed the spider outside, and shut the window again.

Dawn was looking at him with something like amazement, and Buffy with disgust. Only Willow's expression was undecipherable – embarrassed and amused and several other things all at once. She was like that – complex. It was one of the things he loved about Willow.

"Thanks, Sev," she said quietly. He nodded and went back to cooking dinner. She returned to entertaining her friends.

"That was so _gross_," he could hear Buffy say. "I can't believe he _touched_ it!"

"Buffy," Dawn said. "That's not nice. And he did git rid of it."

"But he _touched_ it."

He could picture Willow smiling slightly, amused at the other girls but trying to hide it. It made him smile as well.

After dinner, after their guests had left, Severus found Willow in the kitchen, washing the dishes.

"You know, there are spells that would do that for you."

"I know," Willow answered. She smiled over her shoulder at him, a small, thoughtful smile. Her tranquility was something else he loved about her. "Shouldn't get too dependent on magic, though."

He was well familiar with the reasons she felt that way. They had first met when she had come to England after trying to destroy the world. They had both been a little broken then, both damaged, both trying to heal. They had both had responsibilities that pulled them back into battle despite what they might have wanted. He was glad once again that she had come back to him.

"Besides," Willow added seriously, "it's penance."

"Penance?"

"For the spider."

He wrapped his arms around her waist, smiling into her hair. Her mind worked in the oddest way, focused on the oddest things. It was another reason he loved her. Not to mention that it could be downright useful whenever he hit a snag on a new potion he was developing.

"What about the spider, then?" he asked, curious what her answer would be.

"I'm sillier when Buffy's around – aren't I? I'm not scared of spiders, but I panicked anyway. Dawn was startled because it skittered at her. And she thinks the way they move is creepy. I think Buffy's just scared of them because she thinks she's supposed to be – a holdover from her cheerleader days. I'm not and I panicked anyway and tried to kill it. Thanks for not killing it, Sev." She paused thoughtfully, leaning back against him.

"Do you think blonde's contagious?" she asked suddenly. Severus laughed. He was always surprised when he laughed, surprised that he even _could_ laugh anymore. That was another thing he loved about Willow – that she made him laugh. Severus laughed into his wife's hair until she turned and swatted him with a damp, slightly soapy dishtowel. "No, I just mean – that would just explain _so_ many things!"

Severus kissed her gently. "Leave the dishes till morning," he whispered.

"But, my penance ... the spider …."

He pulled Willow close and kissed her more thoroughly. She melted against him, arms draped around his neck. She was practically purring when he finally paused for air.

"The spider?"

"What spider?" she asked oh-so-innocently. Or rather, it would have sounded innocent if her voice hadn't been husky and breathless, her face flushed and her body pressed against his in a very un-innocent way. There was a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

As Severus Snape swept his wife off her feet and carried her to bed, he reflected that that gleam was just one more thing that he loved about Willow.


End file.
